Thursday, July 22, 2010

Vote of thanks

Actually this is long overdue and just when I thought I was getting inspired, I find that I have to rest my pen or is it free my keyboard to go onto other projects.

- So I'd like to start by thanking all those who unwittingly made themselves subjects of my blog starting from the girl with the weird wig, the lady who tested me, Bukky M who almost succeeded in making herself important, the now ex-boyfriend and all other exes to the random folks here and there who were subjects of other people's gists but somehow made their way onto this page in a more personalized format

-Big ups to my crew- rather, the Roomate's crew- Femi the headbanger and co

- Special mention to my family: my Dad, Aunty and of course the inimitable Roomate and his branch of the family

- the Roomate along with Bilkis get the award for being the stars of this blog

- To those of you who read on the sly and outright (you know ya-selves)

- And finally to my blogmates especially the commentators (Otas and co) and those whose blogs I also enjoy so much.

- To Splash, LG, Rayo, Sumptuous, Chari and Buttercup, Pengamer/Skinnylegs the most entertaining and realest blogger ever Sugabelly- you are so sweet to my belly- and the rest of y'all too numerous to mention so forgive me. And to all my followers: you guys kept Tresor alive much longer than the doctors predicted.

I love you all! Peas Hawt! And see y'all in another life!

Tresor-Marie Lekado! aka THE PURPLE DIVA in ya faces!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Of married friends

A friend of The Roomate's came around some days back and was complaining about how a friend of hers who got married some few months ago has suddenly started "chinning" her.

(Can you remember when we used to use that slang? I think the first person I heard it from was one of Roomie's brother's girlfriends way back when and she used it in the same "friend dumped me" context hence the nostalgia and use now.)

Anyway, this friend of the Roomate's (circa 2010) is really hurt because she feels that the "chin" is as a result of her yet to be updated "single" status. I mean, she is not even "in a relationship" and compared to her "married" friend that's like a yawning gully of a difference.

"Am I God?" she bemoaned. "Na wa oh! Like if it was up to me, I won't be married since." (And still be friends with someone who judging from this was not much of a friend to begin with!)

I have been very lucky with my married friends (actually I have only one, Bilkis and she can't even think of jawing talk-less of chinning or boning me!)

But I have some thoughts on "the single friends getting dumped" thing.

It's been noticed by me and my big bro that many girls, once they say "I do" to the man of their dreams or nightmare, suddenly decide that they shouldn't have anything to do with their "old friends". Worse for you if as an old friend you are very pretty, sexy and every one is suddenly contemplating your marketability (everyone meaning bridegroom and friends). Much worse for you if you know something about "the newest madam in town" that hubby does not know about: some dark dark secrets like where the aborted babies where buried and the drugs she took for that unpronounceable vaginal infection and how she is not even sure that the drugs worked.

If you are in this latter category, why be really surprised that you get dumped? In fact, if you are in either of the categories, why be surprised at all? Don't you know that you now pose as an immeasurable threat to her continued standing as "Mrs."?

I once overhead the Roomate's mom's sister giving advice to her about-to-be-married daughter; the Roomate's mom was also there. When the woman said to her daughter, "You know, once you get married you have to stop moving with those your single friends starting with your chief-bridesmaid," all the women there concurred with a resounding "Amen!"

"Why?" you ask.

If by now you are not able to provide some answers for yourselves, sorry!

The reason Bilkis is my only friend from university who is married and still my friend is because of what I learned from that married-women induction ceremony hosted especially for Roomate's cousin by her mom. The women had made sure to remove her from her friends before unleashing the anti-single lady-friend advice. I was only allowed to be there because I was too young (13), wasn't the girl's friend and since my step-mom was one of the wise women, was included in the list of advice recipients. (You never know, I could have found Mr. Yerima the next day and be married before anyone can whisper: try not to cry on the "first night." remember as a 13 year-old wife, you are now a woman and no longer a child. You are also fulfilling the customs of our religion.)

So to ye single ladies who get all hot-and-bothered when for some obscure reasons your just-married friend suddenly stops picking your calls- and no, it's not because her phone was stolen on her honeymoon- don't be!

Just do like I do (to guys and girls alike) dump them before they dump you.

The moment you hand me your wedding invitation card, you have issued a death-warrant to our friendship.

No, the reason I stop picking your calls is not because I don't want to buy your aso-ebi. Rather, it is because I am doing to you what you in all your pomposity as Mrs. Somebody will decide to do to me and most likely before you give me my aso-ebi souvenir.

Sunday, July 4, 2010


I have this cousin who lives this pathetic existence or so she says.

She is in her early thirties (32), has never had any serious relationship and at this stage, doesn't think she will ever get married. The last time a guy seriously asked her out was in the university or so she says.

The Roomate calls her a lost cause, as simple as that. The thing about her is not that she is an ice maiden or in-bred "independent woman". She is just desperate. You know when someone is narrow-minded enough to have only one goal in mind- in her case marriage- and everyone can pratcally "see" her thoughts and knows where she is headed in every conversation she has with a guy including her relatives. I mean, it's that bad!

She so wants to get married and settle down that she chases guys away- if that is posible.

Her problem is that she does not know how not to be desperate. She can't relax. Every guy she meets she automatically assumes something romantic with him. She is overly romantic, watches too many movies and read too many books- and this according to Mr. Know-It-All (Yep, The Roomate.)

She is the sweetest girl I have ever known -okay, that's not true- she is slightly crazy. The Roomate does not even pretend to be nice to her.

"She is the kind of girl that begs you to be mean to her," he says.

She actually became a career woman and pratically spends all her days in the office because she ha never found a guy to love her.

Sad. Pathetic.

The thing was that yesterday, she tried to commit suicide- nope, Friday night. She took some pills. And well, her parents only discovered her because they noticed that she had been sleeping all day. They rushed her to the clinic yesterday evening and got her tummy pumped. They called this morning. The Roomate and I are going after church to see her at the hospital.

The first question I am going to ask her is, "Well, aren't you the drama queen?"

The Roomate is thinking of suggesting to the doctor or nurse to stitch the words on her forehead.

Nope, there's no sympathy for her in thsi house, obviously.

Got to go now. More gist later...

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