Monday, May 18, 2009


You should see the Fame Lodge on football nights. My house has turned to a viewing center and I am not even making money out of it!

I don't even take part in their rowdy pastime and no one has ever thought of bringing a cold beer to my room talk-less of offering me whatever it is they happen to be messing my sitting room with yet they leave all the empty cans and food wrappers for me to clear up! Assholes. Chauvinist Assholes!!
Not like I drink beer, you know the Diva is not that crass. Nor do I eat any of those greasy things that happen to stain my furniture leaving me on my knees scrubbing off a dark stain that is so stubborn I wish I knew who exactly caused it so I can soak all his fingers in acid, so that next time, the football freak/fanatic would think twice bout messing up other people's homes! Gawd!!!
And the noise they make! Goooaaaaallll! Yee, pass it! Pass it now!!! Oh God! Ahhhhh!!! (like something really bad has just happened when all that happened is that one idiot with lousy footwork just messed up a good scoring opportunity. And so? I ask.)

SHUT UP! My door is not sound proof! Go to your effing homes and give your wives and girlfriends (or wateva) the headache you are giving me. Inconsiderate children-born-out-of-wedlock!

Don't they have TVs in their own homes? Flat screen, plasma or whatever it is called!!! DSTV?! HiTv?!! WTF-tv!!!
How much is it to watch football at a regular viewing center? What happened to Football clubs or lounges or whatever they are called?!!!
And the Roomate, he is like the Vince McMahon of Football nights. He acts like he created the premier league. The quintessential host encouraging their rowdiness. He is always the loudest of them all, Peter Pan to the Lost Boys!

One day, I am going to... do what?!

I need an idea for something wicked and extremly nasty that'll get them out of my house. It must be mean and permanent. I am still working on it and if you have any brilliant idea, feel free to communicate it.

But before then, I am thinking of writing a series of petitions to the appropriate bodies (which is...?) to get them to ban the projection and viewing of foreign football in Nigeria.
If we keep doing that, how are we going to improve our own local league?
You know what y'all are, you bunch of premiership-loving freaks? You all are simply unpatriotic and you should all be Gunned down and Manchested till you all turn Blue. Traitors!


LG said...

Re:One day, I am going to... do what?!.........BECOME A GUNNER :-)

LG said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Splash said...

i so love the game babes. ManU for live.
sorry about the noise. it's just the way of the game.
i so want to see a live match sooooo bad.

1. swich of circuit breaker in main switch box.breakers control supply of electricty to different parts of the house.

2. in the middle of the game pull out the cutout.

a friend did option 2 to her bro. his friends were always coming to play sega mega, PS and the likes. noise.noise.noise. pissed her off really bad. but got a gggoooooooood laugh when she disrupted their game.

T-razor said...

@LG: Trésor for nobody! The highest interest I express in a team lasts as long as any popular player who happens to be handsome!
Call me shallow but the only reason I'll watch football is to see buns bouncing around the field. And pecs biceps and triceps which you only get to see after the match when they take off their shirts.
@Splash, I am glad you love football n I wish you luck when you go to watch a live match.

Anonymous said...

i will definitely miss my wedding and keep the pastor,my wife and family waiting if my favourite team is please warn them to look at the football timetable b4 fixing any wedding...cos i wont hear any wedding bells but football whistle....Krystal!

T-razor said...

@Krystal or is it just anon, you had better get married on a football pitch then- before, during or after the match, you choose.

Splash said...

@anon/Krystal - 1st, propose during half-time.
2nd, make suer the minister is dressed in a referee's uniform.
3rd, your bride should wear jersey of a club u don't like.
4th after the ceremony she can put on your jersy. meaning you are now fully and finally on the same team.

T-razor said...

Then those little kids will lead u and ur bride in like opposing football teams, your ring bearer should carry the rings attached to a ball or maybe u shuld exchange a ball instead of rings. And instead of the national anthem we get to hear 'here comes the bride'...
I culd go on forever but someone else help me out.

odeku said...

Sulk sulk sulk......... R u a spoil sport? Join in the fray nd enjoy while it lasts. What would it cost u 2 just play along.... at most for 2 hrs. Thats not to much to do 4 some broda. which one u dey sef. Abeg, gunners 4 life jooo. Evedn thoiugh they fire blank bullets these days. Pity

T-razor said...

@odeku, aproko, aproko, aproko!!!

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